Happy 2012!
I'm gonna shoot myself for staying up this late, but I'm tired of planning and I miss blogging. That and I haven't had a good solid rant in a while.
Being a serial monogamist from ages 16-25, I have made exes excessively (also inadvertently) throughout my wild child years. I can say that out of the three major relationships and five dating ones, I am friends with...wait, what? I'm only friends with one from the major category and three from the minor...somehow I thought I would have more.
I know what you're thinking. You can't be friends with an ex. I beg to differ. Unless the break-up was under unique circumstances (such as leaving his alcoholic ass after being a tool for the five months you lived with him), I believe friendship can be possible.
I have an ex with which I was with for almost four years. My family was convinced we would live together, maybe get married, have kids and come over for Christmas on a regular basis. After one break-up mid relationship, I knew that we were not meant to be. We were awesome friends, we have enormous respect for each other, we cared deeply and yet still there was something...missing? Gone? Did we not take care of it well enough? Nope, in the end, we were friends and not lovers. Even after we left, we promised to never hate, disrespect, or trash-talk the other. We wouldn't see Ozzy live together again, however, we could not look at the other person in such a way.
I don't mean to sound syrupy, but would it not be awesome to retain that distance, respect and friendship? When we started dating other people, we would even hear about the other person in joy, not jealousy, and even give ideas and well-wishes for those awkward first dates. Yes, my fiance knows that I am still friends with this one (as well as others), but no, my ex will not be visiting anytime soon. As much as I am friends with my ex, I respect the comfort of my darling way too much to have him in that situation. I know this situation is unique.
What about the exes of sig. A's? Ah, there lies a delicate situation, especially between girls, right?
...euh, not necessarily...
I met my darling friend, Sabu, through my ex. When he and I got together, he said he had been seeing someone before we met and that they had broken up by the time we met. No harm, no foul. One day, a while after he and I went our separate ways, I was curious about the girl he was seeing before me. I had known her by her unique style, but never spoke to her. After taking a look at her blog, I saw she had a journal entry that mentioned me in the kindest way possible, congratulating our shared lover on his newest choice, even complimenting me by saying I was beautiful! The fear of an awkward and rage-fueled encounter died in me. I had questioned her sincerity, but then I messaged her, extending my appreciation of her blog post. The rest is history.
It was only two years later that she told me the truth, that our shared beloved had actually left her for me. I was floored. I had no clue of this, and I had no intention of stealing anyone's man. I am allergic to drama in huge doses. I do not know many people who could have even thought about answering my message in even the most politest way.
So, what is the point? I guess that, in my journey as a Christian, I am learning to love everyone. Love also means forgiveness, which is highlighted in:
Mark 11:25 ESV 'And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.'
Romans 12:20 ESV 'To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' (This one used to make me smile in a smug way, but now I understand that heaping 'burning coals' could also be a reference for making him rethink his grudge)
And, last but not least...
Luke 23:33-34 ESV 'And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. (34) And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.'
Thank you, Jesus :)
Getting back to the numbers I have taken, I wish I could have made that number of friends-that-used-to-be-lovers greater. Even if we never really kept in touch, I wish I could call them all 'friend', and I wish that their exes (of lovers past and present) can be called 'friend'. Thankfully, I can still pray for them.
It's not easy, but if I'm gonna talk the talk, I have to walk the walk.
No comments:
Post a Comment